Hi Friends!

I've never been big on resolutions because I don't believe that it's healthy (or productive) to start the year attempting to overhaul your entire life or personality. There's something about resolutions that indicate that "the new you" is infinitely better than the "current you."

That's not the vibes I want to bring into 2023.

Instead of resolutions I've always gravitated more towards intentions. They aren't as rigid as resolutions and often entail shifting how I approach certain aspects of my life rather than trying to reinvent myself. Every year, I choose a few words as guiding themes for the rest of the year, a way to remind myself of what I want to focus on.

Here are some of my words for 2023:

"Quadrant 2" (Important/Not Urgent): I want to prioritize work that is important but not urgent this year. This term is about ignoring urgency and focusing on the deep work that matters but doesn’t have a pressure deadline: research, writing, and reading. No more being distracted by other people's urgencies.

Anytime, Anywhere. I used to think that I needed to wait for the perfect conditions in order to write or workout. It had to be the right time of day. I needed the perfect keyboard or app or playlist. This year, I'm going to embrace doing the important things anytime and anywhere. Hotel rooms? Balconies? Airports? No problem. Even if I only have 15 minutes to jot down a few sentences, I'm going to do it.

Network Design. After two years of isolation, health issues, grief, and a pandemic, I'm ready to get back to investing time into the people and tribes that are aligned with how I want to live my life. This means making some hard decisions about my community. I'm prioritizing building new bonds, reconnecting with old friends, but also, letting go of friendships that no longer serve me.

Revisit Your Internal Scripts

If you're thinking about picking a few special words for this year, don't forget to examine the ordinary, everyday words you use all the time that make up your internal monologue. Many people don't realize how powerful words can be in shaping beliefs and worldviews.

The way we describe ourselves can become integrated in our perception of our identity. When you say things like "I'm bad at languages" or "I could never be the type of person to move to a new country," you're creating your own reality where that opinion becomes a fact, creating self-limiting beliefs. Essentially, you're using your words to build a cage to trap yourself in for no reason.

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Dan Harris recently shared a great talk about the benefits of not being a jerk to yourself. He's right.

I've also been thinking about the need to be intentional with the words we speak with each other. Words are spells we cast on ourselves and on those around us.

3 Ways to Choose Better Words

1. I HAVE TO --> I GET TO: I get to work out. I get to write. I get to see another day. I get to move my body. Tomorrow isn't promised. Saying "I get to" shifts our focus away from being obligated to do something, and instead choosing to take advantage of the opportunity to do something.

2. I SHOULD --> I CHOOSE. This forces us to take accountability in where we are investing our time and helps us to take ownership in creating a life that we want to live. This phrase can be a real game-changer if you often feel social pressure to do something you don't want to. Where we spend our time and attention is a choice, and one we have to consciously make every day.

3. I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH --> I'M STILL LEARNING. There is no such thing as perfection. We are all constantly learning and growing and that’s ok. This phrase helps us to be gentle with ourselves when we make mistakes or fail to reach a goal. We can appreciate the journey and celebrate our progress.

In psychology, this technique is called Cognitive Reframing, a tool to identify and shift your thinking from negative and unhelpful thoughts to a more positive perspective. Pay attention to statements you make about yourself that become the story of your life.

Remember, you can change that story anytime.

Are you going to choose a word (or words) to embody your year?

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Digital Culture Round Up

• ​Over on Instagram, I shared why the Telegraph's op-ed "When did Gen Z decide 'ambition' is a dirty word?" was one of the stupidest and most tone-deaf takes I've seen about work culture.

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• On Tiktok, a viral video of a bench with a dedication plaque had many of us in tears. It read: "To my lifelong best friend Judy, from Janice. We were girls together." We were girls together became a way to celebrate the power of female friendships and to honor the women who shaped who we are even if we're not longer close with them today. One of my favorite comments came from an anonymous user who posted: I am all the girls who ever showed me kindness.

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• ​One of my favorite people, Laura Gassner Otting was on Good Morning America sharing tips for a midlife career change. ​

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See you next week!