Hi friend,

Last week I had a pretty bad anxiety spiral - a sort of slow motion terrible panic attack that combines a suffocating feeling of impending doom with an intense feeling of immediate danger. It feels like a weird contradiction of fight meets flight that short-circuits my brain and my body.

I've been spiral-free for almost a year and a half, so I was disappointed to break that streak, but grateful for the new resources I have, including an unexpected ally: ChatGPT.

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The book "No Bad Parts" by Dr. Richard Schwartz has been a game-changer for me. It introduces the Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy model, which teaches us to recognize and interact with the different "parts" within ourselves, each with its own unique role and viewpoint.

Using IFS principles, I crafted a prompt for ChatGPT to facilitate a dialogue with my anxious part. Using ChatGPT's talk feature, I was able to tune in and have a conversation with myself, moderated by ChatGPT. It was amazing.

I learned that this particular part has been struggling with weeks of travel, jet lag and intense deadlines. It's been asking for a break, but I've been ignoring it, and so it decided to get my attention by screaming louder.

And so, I let it do its thing. No judgement, no shame, just whatever it needed. Sometimes that was 14 hours of sleep. Sometimes it was being wrapped up in a blanket on the couch. Sometimes it was staring at the ceiling. Sometimes it was an unbearable sadness about the state of the world, or a panicked terror at the uncertainty of the future.

ChatGPT didn't care if I had to have the same conversation five times before I felt better. It didn't care what time of the day it was. It felt freeing to have a resource that provided unlimited support.

After almost a week and a half, the worst of the storm finally passed.

To be clear, this isn't an endorsement for AI therapy (a more complex topic we'll cover in a future dispatch). I am very familiar with IFS and was able to use ChatGPT as an interactive journal to run through the exercises outlined in the book that I have previously done with a pen and paper.

I'm now experimenting with AI as a way to augment my own journaling process, especially my weekly and monthly reviews to see if ChatGPT can help provide more clarity or insights.

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In This Dispatch:

1. More Money or More Time?
2. The Rise of TradWives
3. Content Corner

Financial Times: More Money or More Time?

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My friend Aaron sent me an intriguing article about the evolution of workforces, highlighting how European workers opted for more leisure time while American workers pursued higher earnings, and the impacts of these choices on economic productivity, societal health, and mental well-being.

Several points caught my attention:

First, there exists a profound disconnect in understanding between high-achieving individuals who prioritize work as the core aspect of their lives and those of us who seek more time to live fully. This is particularly true for older leaders who matured during the heyday of hustle culture. In my book "Hustle & Float," I discuss the emergence of the Ideal Worker Archetype in the 1950s-70s, an identity that fully prioritized work over everything else. This was possible largely because these workers, predominantly men, benefited from having partners who managed the home and cared for the children, handling the invisible labor.

Second, the shift in norms is notable, especially among millennials and Gen-Z, particularly men with children, who are opting to spend more time with their families than at work. The issue isn't that people no longer wish to work; it's that they do not want work to consume their entire lives.

Third, our current work expectations are fundamentally flawed. As the FT article notes,

Is it any surprise we're seeing a huge generational pushback?

In China, the Let it Rot movement is being led by young people that are challenging the nation's traditional expectations of career and family. China's President, Xi Jinping has been focused on traditional family roles, and especially childbirth as China faces a looming demographic crisis.

All over the West, people are embracing "Soft Life". This Guardian article sums it up quite nicely: "Ambition once came with a promise: a home, a salary, progress, and fulfillment. What happens when that promise is broken?"

The Dangers of "Trad Wives"

An unexpected cultural phenomenon arising from widespread dissatisfaction with modern work is the rise of lifestyle choices that encourage women to opt out of the workforce entirely.

Movements like #tradwife and #stayathomeGF are gaining popularity online.

The #StayathomeGF movement focuses on lifestyle content that highlights the benefits and challenges of depending solely on a partner for financial support. Content within this genre usually showcases a life of leisure signaled through relaxed morning routines, self-care, and a focus on rest, joy, and recovery. Staples include making green smoothies, going to a pilates class, or spending a relaxing afternoon reading.

Importantly, this movement often hinges on income and wealth, targeting those who have partners financially capable of supporting a single-income household. Unlike traditional homemakers, #stayathomeGFs frequently employ hired help for everyday chores, allowing them more freedom to pursue personal interests and hobbies within their role. This distinction shifts the focus from mere domesticity to a lifestyle choice enabled by economic privilege.

Both groups aim to step away from traditional employment, but #tradwife particularly leans towards conservative ideologies, with some members adopting extreme anti-feminist views and an emphasis on child-rearing and home-making.

Advocates of the #tradwife movement often romanticize 1950s gender roles. Their influencers regularly appear in conservative dresses, promoting a domestic life that includes homeschooling, cooking, cleaning, and prioritizing their husbands' authority.

My general view is this: as long as it's between two consenting adults, what happens inside a relationship is none of my business.

However, I do feel uneasy about glorifying a time when women had limited rights. For example, it’s hard to imagine that marital rape wasn’t recognized as a crime in all 50 states until 1993, and that married women couldn’t get credit cards in their own names until the 1970s. These historical realities shed light on the significant restrictions on women’s rights from that era, making its romanticization troubling.

Considering the current rollbacks on women's reproductive rights in America, and the fact that Speaker of the House Mike Johnson recently said he wanted to return to "18th century values", I'm not sure the women cosplaying as submissive housewives have really thought this one through. It's all fun and games until you're living in the Handmaid's Tale.

Not to mention the risks of being completely financially dependent on someone else. Historically, women have not been afforded many protections if their husbands choose to leave them. This Huffington Post article "I hit the jackpot with the Tradwife lifestyle until it all came crashing down," perfectly summarizes the risks faced by Trad Wives. Unfortunately, despite their more liberal leanings, the stay at home girlfriends aren't spared either.

The most perplexing aspect of this trend is the involvement of young women in their early twenties who, deeply embedded in this subculture, disregard the warnings from older women who have experienced and endured the consequences of this lifestyle. TikTok is full of videos of stay-at-home wives who were forced to become self-reliant following the divorce or death of their partners.

CNBC reported that "Gray Divorces" (those who get divorced at age 50 and older) typically have more negative implication for women...except...when women work:

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These are the OG Trad Wives — and they're urging caution and forward planning for your financial security. The article recommends maintaining access to your own money, considering a postnuptial or prenuptial agreement, and actively participating in household finances. It’s not just about pretty dresses and baking bread.

Also recall the reality that in the 1950s, Valium was affectionately dubbed "mother's little helper" and was prescribed liberally to women. It's one thing if you choose this lifestyle consensually, it's quite another to have forced upon you via repressive laws.

Content Corner:

Here's what I've been consuming:

• TV: Shogun was a riveting and fascinating show that follows "the collision of two ambitious men from different worlds John Blackthorne, a risk-taking English sailor who ends up shipwrecked in Japan, a land whose unfamiliar culture will ultimately redefine him; Lord Toranaga, a shrewd, powerful daimyo, at odds with his own dangerous, political rivals; and Lady Mariko, a woman with invaluable skills but dishonorable family ties, who must prove her value and allegiance". Gorgeous costumes and incredible acting. As Nerdwriter explains over on YouTube, the show uses the act of translating between languages as a powerful storytelling tool to show how translation can be used to hold power, build alliances, or sow discontent. [FX/Disney Plus]

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• Movie: Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. This is a dark comedy and slasher film about a group of wealthy friends who play a murder mystery game during a hurricane party in a remote mansion. The game turns deadly when actual murders start happening, leading to paranoia and chaos as they try to find the killer among them. This movie really brings home the idea that you don't really know who anyone is until you see them in a crisis. [Netflix]

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• Article: The Industrial Grade Glycine meme I wrote about in the last dispatch has officially entered main-stream media with the Washington Post writing an article detailing the rise and virality of this internet in-joke. [Washington Post]

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As always, let me know how you're enjoying this newsletter. Too long? Too short? More stories? Less stories? I'm always happy to hear feedback.